develop your intuition – and trust it!

intuition is inside everyone of us. we are born with intuition like we are born with creativity, but like this playful way of expression, we tend to push intuition aside. grown up in a society and in an age, that has a high weight on an achievement ratio based on money, „my intuition and how to use it“ wasn´t a masterclass at school. so for years feeling my intuition felt like been given a red flag: what can I do with it? should I do something with it? should I wave it? wear it like a supersheroe-cape?! this can be very confusing. I saw this red flag, I felt this thing called intuition, but what can we do with it?

when you are a very intuitive person, you know, what I mean, that intuition feels like knowing, without knowing what to know. you just know, but don´t know, how you know. you know? tough you are sure, that you know, you might doubt, if you really know.

some of you might feel a strong „yessss“ inside, others might leave this page… not knowing, what to know! read on, if you want to learn, how to develop your intuition and what you can do with this red flag.

what is intuition?

“Intuition is not a single way of knowing – it’s our ability to hold space for uncertainty and our willingness to trust the many ways we’ve developed knowledge and insight, including instinct, experience, faith
and reason.” – Brené Brown

well, this is one of the most focused definitions of the word intuition, that I have ever read. and it´s a way of saying „I just KNEW it!“. intuition is like a wisdom pool, that contains all experiences, you have made, everything you have learned and tested, every story, you have heard and your own perspective of life.

intuition is your own compass, that helps you to navigate through life. it shows up to get to the core of things. but to really use our intuition, we must be sure, that we don´t just imagine something. imagination and intuition might feel like the same thing, but there is a huge difference.

here is one example, maybe the best: jealousy is not intuition. intuition is based on the whole picture.

yesterday my girlfriend texted me, that she will come home from work later. my intuition was totally at peace. relaxed. I´ve made another banana bread in this time and caught her up from the train station. another out come could have been: my imagination runs wild „where is she? what is she doing? why is she late? what are they doing at work?!“

imagination can be based on our fears and on past experiences, so it is very important to get our shit together. when we want to use our intuition, we have to clean up ourself. otherwise it could be under layers of self protection patterns, fear and misinformation.

trusting our intuition

how do we know, that we know?

when we dare to look beyond our thoughts and emotions, we get closer to our intuition. this might be a lot of work, but we get the most precious tool to live a life of joy and love: our intuition. we know intuitively, what is right for us, which decision is wrong (if you want some more help with this, click HERE) and what we really need. it´s like a clear river, that carries us.

beyond all that regrets, worries, fears, trauma, self-harm, doubts and past failures lies your true self, that can´t wait to create that life you deserve. and you deserve healing from all this.

clearing your intuition means to find out, what you truly believe and who you really are.

acting based on your intuition

to be or not to be? to trust your gut or not trust your gut? to be very authentic and honest at that point: goddamnit! I wish I had the answer for both of us. sometimes it´s easy for me and very very clear, if I should trust my intuition. and yes, sometimes I act in the opposite way, just to test it. to tell you a secret: in this case, my guts never failed.

but there are the moments, when we can trust our intuition and act on it. and should. for example, when you have the feeling to call a friend – why souldn´t you? or your intuition tells you to leave a situation – then leave. when you´re suffering from anxiety, I can tell you from my own experience: even anxiety can be part of your intuition. this is one more reason to clear your mind and understand, how it works.

5 ways to develop your intution

to start your journey, you don´t have to wait until you feel ready and done with all that healing work and stuff. I am still on my way and enjoying this journey. healing isn´t about becoming somewhere. it is about the journey itself and evolving our true being. it´s curing, what hurts inside and walking our path with the best intentions for ourself and others. and this is something, our intuition can be very useful for.

here are 5 ways to develop your intuition:

  1. listen to your feelings and become aware of the situation. this can be hard, because our mental programs turn in quite fast. click HERE to read more about mindful living.
  2. make a reality check afterwards: notice, when your feeling was right. intuition is like a muscle, we need to train. it can help to write a journal about it. it is a powerful tool to get clear about your thinking patterns, fears and worries and to notice, when your feeling was right.
  3. acknowledge your feelings! be not ashamed or embarrassed about them! giving space to our intuition is the best way to develop it.
  4. meditate. meditation is a great way to get in touch with yourself again and to re-connect with your core. click HERE to read more or HERE to work 1-1 with me.
  5. calibrate your inner compass by asking yourself: what do I want? what do I really need? what do I believe? and then listen to your body. how does it react? do you feel tensions? do you feel freedom in some areas? write it down.

dare to listen more. it can help to seek solitude in nature and feeling the connection to wild animals, who are highly intuitive and instinctive. for me, intuition is connected with my spirituality. if you are curious about this, maybe this article can help you to re-connect with your very own spirituality (click HERE).

let me know, how you feel about you intuition! I would love to hear from you. please send me a message on instagram or use my email judith {at} seewithyourbody.de

LOVE, Judith

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using shame for change

this morning tears of shame ran down my cheeks. I felt the hot flush from my face to my feet. when I recognized, that I started to sweat, another feeling came up: I wanted to hide, leave this situation and never talk about it again.

shame is a powerful emotion, that can lead to blockades and ignorance or to change and healing. in each situation we have the choice of decision, how we want to handle our shame and deal with it.

when I felt this shame this morning, I decided to be bold and face it. not just saying „I am sorry…“ to bring this situation to an end as soon as possible, but to make the whole process of healing shame.

before I start to dig with you deeper in the mud of shame, I think it is important to distinguish the difference sorts of shame from each other.

  1. shame about something we am responsible for. here is the potential of growing and healing, because it is in our hands to learn and accept important lessons.
  2. shame about something someone did to us. it is about healing and so important to understand, that it had nothing to do with us, what happened. it was not our fault.
  3. external shame, the shame about some else behavior. we can´t change the behavior, so it is about boundaries, healing and speaking up.

this article is about the first one, the shame about something we are responsible for.

walking through a mine field of shit

when I lived in berlin for some time, I was really scared. though I am queer and reading a lot about gender-identities and diversity, I was scared to use „wrong“ pronouns or behave in a way, that might discriminate other people, because I was living in a small town, where no one cared about pronouns. I felt like I was not used to, not trained in. so I avoided to speak with other people. one evening I was having dinner with a friend, who lived in berlin for years and talked about that fear. she looked at me and said: „Judith, you will step into shit. it is a mine field of shit. and then you learn from it, clean your shoes and do it better.“ I stared back and I silently realized the truth behind it.

the fear of making mistakes is nothing else than shame. we are afraid, that other people see our imperfection. and this one is a tough one. but how could we learn, if we do not dare to make mistakes?

making mistakes is human. being closed and ignorant isn´t. shame has a high potential to close ourself from the lessons, that we have to learn. it blocks us from doing better, because shame can lead to denying what happened. and this is not about self-improvement, but evolving, growing and healing.

welcoming the unwelcome

when we are ashamed about our own behavior, we literally can´t believe, what we have done. in our head we repeat „I can not believe, that this happened!“. maybe we are somehow disappointed, we are afraid of punishment, or we are frustrated and angry. the burden of shame weights so high, that we change the narrative of what happened. „this is not how I want to behave, I did not mean to…so how can I believe, that I did?“. it is even paralyzing. but there is just one way to work oneself through it: we have to accept it.

in my case from this morning, I have been referred to something that I have should done weeks ago. it might be a „small“ example, but shame works the same. one of our dogs has puked on the carpet and I said, that I will clean it. after…well… removing the obvious, a bright spot left. I had started one try with water, soap and a brush and scrubbed for half an hour. and it didn´t work out. instead of trying something else, I was ashamed, that I couldn´t do it. it reminded me of experiences of my childhood, when something had happened and I wanted to fix it. when I couldn´t, I got into trouble. as an adult I should have known better, but instead I was paralyzed out of shame.

when I was referred to my statement, that I would clean the carpet and that I didn´t do it, my whole body got hot, I was close to tears and I felt caught. in a moment of silence, I started to reflect my emotions, took all my courage and said: „you are right. I choose to be ashamed and knew, that it would stress you out. I am sorry. I won´t let shame or guilt paralyze me again.“

by welcoming this unwelcome feeling, I could prevent to bring other persons in a situation of carrying the results of my shame for me. it is about taking responsibility for the situation and learning the lesson. and no, it is no joy, but if you want to have a relationship, that is based on love and respect and don´t want to reproduce old traumas, you have to walk through this mud of shame.

the psychologist, author and coach Ralph Smart has two very important questions, that might motivate you:

  1. would you change your decision, if you could get back in time? -> absolutely YES! we all wish, that we could turn back time and walk another way.
  2. would you let me take the lesson, that you have learned, away from you? -> NO! because we need the lessons to make our own map of the landscape of life.

but there is no way of having the lesson without the experience.

so how can we deal with shame and use it for change?

Courage over comfort

Brené Brown is a leading speaker and author and as studied vulnerability for ages. she has had a very important TED talk, in which she talked about her own shame. according to her book „daring greatly“ and the results of her studies, I want to give you 4 steps to deal with shame and use it for sustainable change.

  1. recognize. shame is a very physical experience. as you can see…my body reacts very heavily to it! when you feel, that shame comes over you, STOP. stop, whatever you wanted to do and breathe. if you need to, take some time alone and cry, scream, sweat it out. but do not react to it and do not react it out on others.
  2. critical awareness. this is a very heavy part, but I know, you can do this. be aware of what happens inside of you. what thoughts about yourself cross your mind? how do you walk with yourself? do you remember, what has been said to you in the past, when you have had this emotion? you don´t have to be too analytical in an acute state of shame. this is more about awareness, so you can get back to it later, when you have cooled down.
  3. talk about shame. bringing light over shame takes its teeth. shame subsists from judgement, silence and guilt. to be more clear about emotions, that hold you back, I invite you to read my article about being mindful in your everyday life. READ MORE.
  4. do it better. you know, this is why we should not make excuses before we are aware of what happened inside of us. when we have recognized our shame and are aware of our thoughts, we can choose to do it better.

at least I want to talk about another shame, that many of us know, and has a different step 4.

shame of being vulnerable

when we show up and show our authentic self, we might feel ashamed. we don´t feel good enough, smart enough, pretty, active, educated, whatever enough. in this case, shame is not only paralyzing, but also toxic. it is not about „I haven´t cleaned the carpet“, but „I don´t want to publish articles, because I am afraid, that people think, I am not educated enough and I am ashamed of spelling erros.“.

I would like to suggest a 4th and a 5th step, to use this shame for change.

4. flood yourself with positive thoughts. what are you proud of? what are you good at? you have made the 2nd step and watched behind your thoughts and emotions, that gave you this feeling of shame, now you need to reprogram your thinking patterns. if you want to dig deeper, I highly recommend a therapeutic guidance. many feelings and emotions have their core in past experiences and need to be seen and healed.

5. do it anyway and show up. some people are blessed with a shield of a high self-esteem. others have to learn it and walk through it. by showing up and facing our fears and shame, we can shrink it. and I am pretty sure, that you have a beautiful gift, that you can share with the world. your existence is. so please show up!

if you want to learn more about being vulnerable, check out my article „the art of being vulnerable“.

LOVE

Judith

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three most important questions to bring more mindfulness into your life

when I look back, one of the most important things I have learned is mindfulness. it was a game changer. sure, I thought, that I am living a life full of awareness. we all think, that we are the maker of our life. but is that true? when we pause for a second we might realize, that there is something else the „head“ of ourself: our head over our self!

scientist have discovered, that 95% of our brain activity is out of our awareness. let this sink for a moment. sure, there is the movement of our pupils, the non-conscious alignment of informations, our brain tries to match memories with events in the present, new faces are tried to be categorized: is this person a friend or an enemy? all this and so much more happens every second of our life. we couldn’t do anything, if we would be aware of all this.

but there is so much more, that sank into our un-consciousness, that we should bring back to the surface. and this is, where mindful practices start.

one very effective method are the tree most important questions to bring more mindfulness into your life.

1. what do I feel right now?

how often do you experience, that you feel jealous or angry (or some other emotion) and before you recognize, you address these emotions to someone outside? maybe your partner or children, even your pets, room-mates or strangers. though emotions have such a huge impact on our life, we don’t give them the space, that they need, to be felt and recognized. instead we get overwhelmed and don’t see the impact, that these emotions have.

by naming your emotions, you don’t try to change them, but you take responsibility and make them less powerful. it´s the beginning of being mindful.

when you have asked „what do I feel right now?“, try to find 2-3 words for your emotions. try to avoid blanket words like „sad“ or „angry“ and dive a little deeper: there are so much more emotions, than we speak of every day! I want to give you a glimpse:

strong, brave, prepared, peaceful, glad, amused, joyful, depressed, heavy, wounded, betrayed, damaged, criticized, motivated, focused, creative…

when you named and described your emotion, ask again „what do I feel right now?“. has something changed?

through this practice, we don’t need to numb ourself, to avoid those overwhelming feelings. we bring them to the surface.

2. what do I think?

emotions are a result of our thoughts. by naming our emotions, we make our first step, by following them to their roots, we start to understand, what happens in our subconsciousness.

these two questions have been a game changer for me. whenever I sense an unpleasant emotion, I can take some deep breaths and ask myself: „what do I think?“. and voilá: most times the same thoughts caused the same unpleasant emotions. it wasn’t someone else, who made me feel sad or frustrated, jealous or anxious, but my own thoughts.

our thoughts trigger our emotions, because we linked them in the past.

the problem is: the process of thinking -> emotions works in a fraction of a second. and this happens all day long and we don’t even recognize it. we just sense our emotions or even worse: we just get into action. thoughts tigger emotions and they lead to actions.

again our head is the driver of our self.

by taking some deep breaths, asking: „what do I think?“, we invite more mindfulness, break the chain and get control over our actions. because our emotions are strong signals! please do not misunderstand me: this is not about suppressing our emotions! it is about being mindful and aware of what we think and which emotions are caused by these thoughts.

which leads me to the third question:

3. is it true?

we tend to believe everything we think. thoughts -> emotions -> actions. even if we think, we are acting authentic, we might be driven by thoughts, that are just not true.

most of our belief systems are based on deep habit patterns and experiences in the past. our way of thinking is formed over years, which makes it even harder to overcome them. but by asking these three questions, we bring an important mindfulness into our daily life, that can bring long lasting change.

the time t o change those patterns and habits is…NOW! and the best way to do so is asking this question: „is it true?“.

when we a thought crosses our mind, we have the choice to believe it or not. by asking ourself, if it is true, we stop for a second and get in control of the situation. this third question can be divided in very specific further questions:

  • am I sure?
  • can I prove it?
  • what would be the opposite?

you mind wants to work, so why not giving it some productive tasks?

let me give you an example. I was master of thinking „I am not good enough in it.“, so I didn’t even started with my own business see with your body. when I started to deepen my meditation practice and mindfulness, I asked myself:

  • am I sure? -> well… how could I?
  • can I prove it? -> not without trying
  • what would be the opposite? -> I give all my heart and passion into it and that’s the success of my business

and based on this, form your new affirmation. in my case: I am good enough! and here I am, offering my soul business to you.

and what about thoughts, that seem to be caused by other people? like:

  • they don’t like me
  • s/he is mad with me
  • s/he is in love with someone else/betraying me?
  • they want to offend me

ask yourself the three questions and communicate about your feelings and thoughts

#what do I feel right now? -> I am desperate. -> #what do I think? -> I think, she is mad with me -> „is it true?“ -> „I don’t know!“

your communication would be: „I am feeling a strong emotion right now. it makes me desperate, but I want to communicate about it. I thought you might be mad with me, but I don’t know. is it true?“

this is mindful communication. it is not „you are making me desperate!“ nor do you walk old thinking paths. by asking these three questions, you have the chance to dive deeper and find the source of your habits. why do you think, that someone else is mad with you? is it a common thought of you?

be brave to start asking! if you’d like to have more support, don’t hesitate to contact me for your individual meditation coaching.

LOVE

Judith

P.S: I´ve worked out a sheet for you, to have these questions present! if you want some extra inspiration nugget, subscribe to my newsletter to get the access to this extra material.

the art of being vulnerable

everyone of us has been hurt. maybe one time, maybe countless times. the feeling of a broken heart can be hard to stand. this doesn’t need to be about a relationship. maybe it has been at work or right on the street. we try to get untouchable to protect ourself. being hard seems to be a way to be charmed against citric or judgement. especially when we are on our way out of our comfort zone, to reach our dreams, we have to face resistance from outside – and inside! how to stay vulnerable and why it is so important, even your greatest power, is todays topic.

the basic need of connection

lets get back to where this all began. one day we have been hurt for the very first time. maybe it has been our own parents, our first love or the best friend. there has been a pain down in the chest, that took away our breath. and a second feeling came with it: shame. because emotional pain can feel like being rejected. something broke the connection to the other person. if disappointment and even existential fear come along with this pain and shame, then we have a dangerous and hurtful cocktail that pulls the rug under our feet. because behind all this stands the basic need of connection and belonging. we are emotional beings, that need affection, tenderness and affirmation. and love! but when another human rejects, criticizes or judges us, we believe, that there must be something wrong with us. this person or we put a flaw in our mind, that it is about our being. our self. not our action, but our being. and what could be more hurtful? but let me tell you a very important mindset: there is a huge difference between „you did this wrong“ and „you are wrong“.

in those moments I could feel how the ground starts to shake. the feeling of being not enough is the biggest lie, the greatest lack of energy we can tell ourself. so what can we do against this feeling? how can we cope with this vulnerability?

invulnerable but lonely

one conclusion could be: I will protect myself with everything, that is possible. wearing an emotional armor around ourself. closing our shell. building that well known wall. but this is the exact wrong direction. can you see it?

we long for connection but hide in our shell. being isolated behind huge walls can mean emotional protection and we can sleep without the fear of being hurt, but we take away our own chance of connection. loneliness is one of theist common illnesses these times. but isolation is no strength. people are held in incommunicado as the highest form of punishment. what the holy fuck could have been your indictment that you deserve this punishment?!

shame is the puppet master, that works behind this behavior. not just the wish to be protected, but the shame about that part of us, that has been judged or criticized. this shames holds us back to show ourself, our whole self in all its facets.

man hugs another man
Photo by Dimitar Belchev on Unsplash

connected in vulnerability

the good news: we are all vulnerable. I am. you are. your partner. parents. boss. the aunt you don’t like. and we are connected in this vulnerability. in the moment you realize this simple but sweet fact, you can act of a place of compassion. for others and especially for yourself.

this compassion means to acknowledge, that all of us make mistakes. and all of us have been rejected. we carry the same wound. it doesn’t mean to get hurt over and over again or to hurt others, but to understand, that others react out of a place of their own pain and believe systems.

there is nothing wrong with you. you have made a mistake? be bold to make mistakes! if you hurt someone, apologize, but don’t shrink yourself. your partner broke up – this doesn’t mean, that you can’t be perfect for yourself or someone else. other peoples love don’t define your value. today I am so happy about all the break ups I have been going through, because they brought me to the most loving hearts I have ever met: my very own heart and the one of my girlfriend*.

being vulnerable doesn’t mean to get yourself down, but to walk your path with your most authentic self and to heal your wounds on our way.

how to deal with vulnerability

here are five ways to deal with vulnerability and to use it as your power:

  • recognize your feelings! is it shame? guilt? hold space for all your feelings.
  • realize that the opinion of others does not have to define your reality. you choose!
  • set boundaries. yes, others react out of their own pain, but you don’t have to let yourself being hurt over and over again.
  • choose the ones you share yourself with. you don’t need to isolate to be protected.
  • talk about your shame. shame gets smaller and smaller, when we talk about it.

how we see ourself and deal with vulnerability is caused by our own mindset. do you feel like your mind holds you back? you want to understand, what is doing on and change your believe systems? click here and start your journey with me!

re-connecting – the core of your spirituality

(klicke hier für die deutsche Version)

spirituality is such a thing. many people wince, when they hear that word. others feel a soft and quiet whisper inside them. and some can sense that deep core connection that reminds them of their own spirituality.

what is „spirituality“ and how can we re-connect with it?

spirituality or religion?

before I start, I want to try to define these two words. because it is important to avoid conflicts of understanding. and it seems like many people shy away, when someone speaks of „spirituality“ because they think of „religion“ instead and in there have been so many wars, fights and death in the name of religion, that this shying away is absolutely understandable.

the word „spirituality“ means „life“ or „breath“. to be spiritual means, to be concerned with the spirit and/or soul.

the Germany philosophe Thomas Metzinger gives some more points of definition of spirituality:

  • it is not theoretical, but experienceable
  • it is not about logic argumentation
  • it is not cognitive

by giving a definition, of what spirituality is not, we can have an insight, of what spirituality can be. while „religion“ is institutional and seeks for god or cherishes one or more.

am I spiritual?

well… I don’t know you, but I am! since I was a child, spirituality was with me. in fact: when we are children, „spirituality“ seems quite natural. when I looked into the flames of a camp fire, dig my feet into the soil or ran over a fresh cut field as fast as I could, I felt this sense of connection, union and deep freedom within and outside. so „spirituality“ means connection and freedom for me.

when we grow older, we are taught to be more cognitive. „think before you do!“, was one of the main sentences I have heard. sometimes, it was better to think before, but I unlearned to listen to my intuition. well..and what is intuition in this context?

Brent Brown gave a perfect definition for it:

Intuition is not a single way of knowing – it’s our ability to hold space for uncertainty and our willingness to trust the many ways we’ve developed knowledge and insight, including instinct, experience, faith and reason.

maybe spirituality is this space for uncertainty.

how to re-connect with your spirituality

maybe you have felt this little excitement inside, while reading since here. like a memory, calling from the past.

here are some possibilities to re-connect with the core of your very own spirituality

  1. ask yourself: what does spirituality mean to me? take some time and let this question work inside you for some moments, days or even weeks. and: you can change your thoughts about it. it is your spirituality.
  2. look within: when you feel more connected in nature, bring some of it closer to you. spend more time outside. take your time without any distraction to reconnect.
  3. write a journal. journaling can help to feel your own spirit. write, without any goal or effort. just let your pencil sink to the paper and write down, what you feel. think. sense. let your intuition guide you.
  4. meditate. when we meditate, we listen. we make space for what is and what wants to be. it is looking beyond the thoughts. if you need some inspirations, read here.
  5. oracle or tarot. oracle and tarot are tools of reflection. I don’t believe, that they tell the future, but they can reflect, what is possible and how we resonate to them.
  6. yoga. yoga is a practice, that helps us to experience. the complex philosophy behind the asanas can help us to connect to the answers we are seeking.

get your regular nuggets of inspiration here: